What’s wrong with this month? Why do I keep on having encounters with people from my past?

First it was with someone I thought to be my friend. He caused me so much pain that I despise being in the same area with him.

I fear him ’cause whenever he shows up, I get to feel I’m not free… That I’m trapped.

And this evening, I got another haunting. An ex who’s an escapist. He’s so good at disappearing, he must’ve been related to Houdini.

He said he only want to be friends. He even said sorry for the things he’d done. But I never want to do anything with him.

Again, I told him not to call or text. This is the second time I’ve said that to him. But he keeps on coming back.

I hate these hauntings. They’re worst than recurring nightmares.

And this month, my hands are full from all this crap… From all those S.O.Bs who kept on haunting me. :(

I’ve been preoccupied… at lost… and afraid. I’m slowly going back to my old self.

I like who I am right now. I enjoy being a pleasure-seeker. It allowed me to be more than what I could be… But then…

My old self is slowly resurfacing. I’m having dark thoughts that prompts me to retrace my step. To turn back into who I was: melancholic, angry at the world, and worst… Suicidal.

Is there a way to help save me from myself?

I’m beyond my usual threshold.  And I’m about to explode.

I didn’t asked him anything.  But, why is he asking a lot from me?  I don’t want him here, but he kept on pushing.

I’m getting stressed.  With him, with them.  And it’s getting hard juggling between each world I have.

I’m currently volatile.  I’m mumbling incoherent words.  My worlds are now overlapping.

Most of all, my emotions are crushing me. :(

Last Saturday, me and my former team mates went to Laguna for an out-of-town swimming.  We rented a private pool/villa somewhere in Pansol for our summer gimmick.

It was a fun weekend with them.  Our group were composed of Waves 2 and 5 of our (my-then) account.  Entirely different set of people.  But bonded by a friendship that knows no boundaries.

It’s an overnight event of sheer fun.  Lots of food… Booze… Laughter and singing… Bodyshots!  The result?  Some got drunk… and more laughter! :D

I won’t go on much details about that weekend here.  I’ll let some of our photos speak for themselves…

* Karma has an interesting way of teaching us a lesson.  It allows us to be in a negative situation to realize the wrong we’ve done.  And if we’re stubborn to learn the lesson, we’ll find ourselves in the same situation again…

* Sometimes, a WAKE-UP call is all we need in order to realize that we are threading dangerous/negative circumstances.

* The strength of friendship isn’t about how long you’ve been friends or whether or not you know each other’s secrets.  A real friend may be hundreds/thousands of miles away, or you may not see each other often/regularly, but when you’re feeling really low, just the sound of their voice is enough to lift your spirits.

* Lifelong dream changes… It’s influenced by where we are at the moment we realized what that dream is.

I’m ruled by plans and goals… and they’re part of being an OC.  Each month, I have goals that I really try to reach/hit/achieve.

So, for this month, May 2011, I’ve decided that my goal should be about something I really love.

My goal this month: To buy all Steve Berry books – Cotton Malone series and e-books that’s been missing in my collection.  The last time I checked, I am missing some books I’ve bought previously.

So, as of today, I’m missing a total of 5 books and 2 e-books, the latest of which is from Cotton Malone series, The Jefferson Key.  It will be out mid-May in the US.  Dunno when it will be released here.

I’m excited to read this new book as I’m a huge fan of Cotton Malone.  More importantly, I’ve read the 1st chapter of the book as available in Steve Berry’s site: http://steveberry.org/

Well, I hope by the end of this month, I’d have all the books missing in my collection.  After that, I’d move on to other suspense-thriller novels. :)

I know it’s Lent… and based from my Catholic upbringing, I should be spending this time to reflect, pray and be more closer to God.  But I’ve been through some awful things in the past that made me question my religion.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still have my faith… I still believe in a Supreme Being that is not necessarily God.

Well, enough of that.  This blog isn’t supposed to be about my faith.  I just want to blabber about how bored I was this week.  I have been sick – cough and colds… add headache and sinusitis that lasted a few days this week.  I have nothing to do.  And there isn’t any good shows to watch.

Regular programming is hampered to give way to Lenten presentations.  Good thing there’s cable, but during morning til afternoon, most of the shows are reruns of previous episodes or old seasons.  And personally, I’m not into movies.  So, watching DVDs is definitely out of the picture.

Because of all these, I have not spent this whole week productively.  Can’t find any inspiration or idea to pursue.  Can’t even write something good to post a new blog, except this blabber.

Hopefully, once I start with my new work, I would have my hands full of things to do.  Until then, I’d sulk in my table, with pen and paper… and contemplate on my boring day… much like what this image portrays:

I’m having my monthly dose of mood swings again…  Gotta hate this hormone imbalance.  I woke up feeling sickly, was dead tired but laughing in the morning, way too angry at noon, placid in the afternoon… and right now, too sad with no apparent reason…

What would be my mood for tonight?  Hope nobody messes with me, else, there’d be chaos.  Or, much worse, I would burst into tears…

Why can’t it be happy hormones all the time? :(

I’m never good at goodbyes… nor am I good at saying farewell to friends, colleagues, and people I’ve met.  And because I’ve changed work in the last couple of years, I’ve met tons of new people – friends, frienemies, and people who I wished I never met at all… *he he*

Recently, I’ve resigned from my job at APAC.  March 28th was my last day, and my resignation was effective end of March.  Come Saturday, April 2nd, went back to APAC and saw friends and former team mates.

The morning started with the idea of going to Gerardo’s and have our drinks there.  But when we got there, the music was way too loud.  We won’t be able to talk and share stories there.  So we decided to transfer to Sangkalan, a nearby resto.  We originally planned to drink there at Sangkalan.  But again, we changed our minds and headed to Pork Barrel coz most of us really wanted to sing… *… and eversince the party at Nikki’s house, having VIDEOKE is a must!*

Before 9AM, we left Sangkalan and headed to Pork Barrel in Kalayaan… When we arrived, we were told that they will open at 10AM and couldn’t accomodate us inside as they’re currently cleaning the premises. *A bummer!*  So, while thinking what to do next, or where to go, we had some pictures taken.  See some of them below:

After almost 20mins of waiting and after a couple more attempts to talk and ask the staff from Pork Barrel if we can get in, the group decided to head on to Starbucks – a block, or a couple of blocks away from PB.  Going there, was an achievement for me.  It’s a long walk… and I’m not fond of them.  While en route, a few photos were also taken, and here’s one of them:

Journey to StarbucksAfter what seemed to be miles of walking for me, we finally reached Starbucks.  While there, me and Mai ordered iced coffee… and I ordered some pastries for the others.  Here’s how we were like inside the cafe:

After 30mins or so, we headed back to Pork Barrel… Finally, it’s now open.  We took VIP-C… and immediately selected songs.  First buckets were RHB and SMLight… then some pica-pica – cheese sticks, buffalo wings, and tokwa’t baboy…

Then, party started. *he he*

It was a blast!  We had fun… from the uber-high pitched song of Jun-jun… to our own version of Backstreet Boys and N’SYNC…. from the never-ending laughter, to the walang-sawang photo-op moments…

Click on the links below to see some of the vids taken during our session at Pork Barrel.  These links will take you to youtube where I posted them. :D

Mid-shifters at Pork Barrel.

Our own version of Backstreet Boys.

Forgive the quality of the videos.  I just used my mobile phone to take them. *lol*

I’ll surely miss them.  Every moment I’ve spent with these people were pure fun.  I surely enjoyed going out with them.  Here, a few more photos before I left:

It was nice knowing all of you.  I may have left APAC but I do hope we could keep in touch. :D

Au revoir!  ’Til we meet again…

——————————————————–

Disclaimer:

I do not own the copyright to the pictures here.  All pictures were courtesy of Jhoie.  Gurl, thanks for allowing me to use your photos. :)

I must admit, being patient is something I’m definitely not good at.  There are even certain situations or scenarios where I’d lose it easily and explode on whoever I’m talking with.

Like, I don’t have the patience to explain everything over and over again.  I just hate it when someone would ask me the same questions more than twice.  It’s like that person is mocking me.  And I despise that feeling.

I know it’s wrong.  I know I should be more patient.  But then, it’s really unnerving to have yourself repeat what you just said.  If that’s the case, I would have gotten a recorder, and had my answer taped.  Right?

*Sigh* Of course, this losing patience thingy isn’t applicable when I’m with my baby sister.  Well, kids have the tendency to do that.  And one has to have tons of patience when dealing with a kid.  But if you’re an adult, who’s got no problem with comprehension, I don’t think it’s necessary to repeat myself.

Else, want me to give you a hearing aid?

1 2 3